Corner Rooms

It's never enough and always something that I strive for. Life as we know it now a days is just diminished into a vague state of mind. It's not like anyone around me knows what they are doing either, even when they pretend to be. The masks are permanent and cracking through my viewing glass. And it makes me smile. I want to unravel down the hill of flames to only keep hitting rocks on on the bottom. No matter how many times that cloth is ripped, dirty and blood spilt I can't seem to stitch it all up.
I can't seem to mend these seams I keep fucking tripping on. I know what I'm "suppose" to do. I don't want to be like you, your mother and daughter. Holding on to hope that isn't there. Holding out for that good old American Dream. Lying to my family about how they can be anything they dream to be. False hopes, false identity and false life.
Negativity. This is not negative.  It's truth. I'm still going to fight for what I believe and deserve in this life whom other get without trying and of course don't deserve.

I feel so cheated. I feel so lost when it comes to what this all means. This is why people go to God. They go to an all being that seems to fix everything once you "know" him. Once you say sorry everything just goes away. I have been through this realm of life. It really disillusioned all the issues that I was having and didn't fix shit. Just made me forget about it until I realized you are out there a lone. And have to do it for yourself. If there was a God. I doubt he would care what kind of praises or prayer you send him.

 I don't want to care, but it's not in my being to not care.
Sometimes I just want to disappear. I don't find this a weakness...I don't know how you could. I can't force it out like everyone wants.
Alright I'm done thinking

Erin